I always considered my friends, music, social gatherings, bar conversations, and other sources of feeling validated or sharing a common feeling, my therapy. Oh and I can’t leave out my amazing hair therapist, Sylvia. She makes me feel amazing and has been there since right after I separated from my ex-husband. I, for a while now, have been seeing a male therapist so I could get the male perspective about why I haven’t found the right guy for me and to guide me in work and other situations.
I have guy friends who say, “you’re cute, funny, have a great job at a successful company . . . “ and then have said “you must have guys falling all over you”. My answer was always, “I have guys who hit on me, but they don’t stick around, or they weren’t the right one.”
I saw something online that helped me to write about “my true love” for 27 days to myself. I was skeptic, but then thought “screw it, what do I have to lose?” I wrote and said words, as I was supposed to, out loud each day. There are other steps as well within your comfort zone you may do (buy hot pink sheets, etc). And at the end, I finished, folded up my papers, put them away.
I had forgotten about those papers after months went by, until one day when my path crossed (again) at the right time with someone now special in my life. After we started opening up to each other, sharing intimate thoughts and feelings, I dug out my papers to let him read. I was feeling very vulnerable and not sure how he’d respond. We were on my couch, he was sitting and I was lying with my head in his lap looking up at him, but couldn’t see his expression thru the papers. After he was done, he looked at me and said, “my name should be at the top of the page” with amazement and smile expression on his face. I was relieved, happy, and had a grin from ear to ear and I replied, “I know, right? I asked for you.”
Therapy, of your own kind, works.